Shopping Basket
Your Basket is Empty
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should receive an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Basket

Always a Voice

Empowering Survivors of Abuse & Trauma

Thought Spot

Thought Spot


Posted on 21 September, 2016 at 0:10

~By Danielle S. 

(Danielle is a 17 year old survivor of abuse. She recently came forward with the devastating truth of her situation. These past months have been difficult, but she is actively persuing healing and growth in her life--and writing about it! She is meeting hardship head-on. I am so blessed to have the privelege of sharing her writings with you all!  ~jill)

EVERYONE has their opinion of what I should've done. Some voice it louder than others. Some people ask me, "Why did you wait so long?" "Why didn't you just confront him about it?" One girl even told me, "Your story has holes in it".  "Well, if he was MY dad..." "Your situation wasn't half as bad as many others..." "You should be over this by now..." "You need to just forget the past." Agh!!!!!!

It frustrates me to think that after all I've already been through, people are critiquing the situation and trying to tell me what I should've done, should do, should think, and should feel! People's opinions are poisonous when expressed in a judgmental way. It's not wrong to have an opinion. But when you don't know all the details and try to come across like you know all the answers, it can have many affects, none of which are good. It can be crippling, hurting, depressing, self-esteem destroying, and crushing.

If an abuse victim opens up to you at all, in any way, respect that. A lot of times, all we want is just someone to listen, believe, and have compassion for us. Now, that makes it sound like we're feeling sorry for ourselves, doesn't it? Well guess what! That's probably what we're doing... and it's OK! After all we've been through we have the right to lean on others for strength and support while we can't strengthen and support ourselves. A lot of times when someone makes a judgmental remark, they just don't have a clue of what you're going through. That doesn't give them the liberty to blast away though.

I still don't know how to handle these opinions... sadly, I don't have a manual with all the answers. But if I talk it out with someone I know will listen, encourage, and support me no matter what, it helps me to realize that the judgmental opinionator doesn't have any ground for what they're saying. Even opinions from other survivors of something similar aren't necessarily the best for your case. You have to remember that every situation is different. There is no 'one size fits all.' And for all you getting judgment from anyone, just remember: they DON'T KNOW what they would do. Even if they think they know, how could they? They know the facts, but not the feels. They understand the logic, not the confusion. They assume the anger, they don't reason through the twisted emotions.

Moving on to another aspect of this: Even if they were right and even if they understood everything, what's done is done. You can't change the past. What good is it to bash someone for not doing it the "right way" if there's no chance to go back and redo it? Just support, sympathise, and encourage for the future. Sometimes I can remind myself that the person is just trying to help and they're lost in going about doing that. Other times I've had to say, "You know what? I don't need this." Yes, I've had to break off friendships with certain individuals because of their extremely vocal opinions. I just came to the conclusion that it was causing me more stress and heartache than support and help. You'll have to be the one to make that decision- who to put up with and who's just not worth it. They're just placing another smothering decision on you that wouldn't be there if people would just treat each other like they should.

And lastly, now that we see first-hand how hurtful being overbearing and opinionated can be, maybe we can learn to hold back our opinions for the proper time and place, and only speak encouraging words, as we truly understand the struggle of poisonous opinions.

Categories: None

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In


Reply adrcrta
10:06 on 25 September, 2022 
michael kors thick strap bag air jordan 1 verde amarillo negro rick owens moncler bomber moncler 2020 coats west bromwich albion jersey for cheap
Reply JoxwNidge
11:40 on 24 September, 2022 
cialis daily use cialis timing modula tadalafil reviews
Reply listerful
13:49 on 22 September, 2022 
twins 22 miguel sano red cool base stitched youth mlb jersey nike free run off white casual looks for ladies salah arabic jersey arrow earrings pandora
Reply jljbxulf
10:11 on 22 September, 2022 
Reply Judypak
19:09 on 21 September, 2022 
synthroid generic brand
Reply best online pharmacies reviews
10:45 on 21 September, 2022 
discount online pharmacy
canadian trust pharmacy
Reply Miclcrush
2:48 on 21 September, 2022 
cost levitra 20mg
Reply ezenyalusi
7:41 on 20 September, 2022 
jupiter oakley polarized nike tear away brown new jersey nets schedule 2021 zach lavine statement jersey nike mens aerobill jordan retro 1 unc blue
Reply best online pharmacy reviews
23:38 on 19 September, 2022 
cheap meds no prescription
canada drug store
Reply cialisgrn
12:45 on 19 September, 2022 
moncler cluny navy dolphins rosen jersey for cheap moncler dog puffer mens business wear striped jacket outfit tennessee vols snapback
Reply Marvinfuh
6:06 on 18 September, 2022 
cialis daily australia
Reply AnioTwive
5:51 on 17 September, 2022 
viagra 20 mg coupon female viagra buy online india viagra over counter
Reply lu9sil2pjc7
19:18 on 16 September, 2022 
pv02ssagdwi cialis canadian pharmacy reviews northwestern pharmacy canada cialis in usa pharmacy cialis over the counter in canada
viagra samples free buy viagra canada online purchase viagra canada viagra canadian pharmacy without prescription
buy viagra online canada cialis prescription prices generic viagra online pharmacy viagra online purchase
Reply bayandanal
13:43 on 16 September, 2022 
mlb jerseys san diego padres 24 cameron maybin dark blue cool base mlb jerseys kids jordan retro 13 black hyper pink white womens carolina panthers 28 jonathan stewart limited green salute to service nfl jersey wine red wrap dress pittsburgh pirates digital camo hat fitted sheets
Reply utdbbtbn
13:26 on 15 September, 2022 
Reply vft3vrfs6k3
2:36 on 15 September, 2022 
pzgbdz8uqgd pills from canada buying from viagra canada viagra sildenafil viagra pill viagra pharmacy online
canada medication cialis low price cialis daily canada supermarket near me buy cialis online
pharmaceuticals from canada medication online medication canada viagra for women
Reply osamusushi
10:27 on 12 September, 2022 
nike striped division iii long sleeve football shirt chunky white high top sneakers office lacoste trainers north face nuptse 1996 mens princess mermaid dress blue ralph lauren polo shirt
Reply jzifil1ir9t
14:28 on 10 September, 2022 
pcdefuoxbdk northwestpharmacy .com walmart viagra price viagra 100mg price cialis at canadian pharmacies buying viagra from canada
best price on cialis order viagra cialis of canada cost of viagra
free sample viagra how to buy viagra free sample of viagra viagra plus
Reply cwvanlines
2:57 on 10 September, 2022 
dallas cowboys 29 demarco murray 2011 blue womens field flirt fashion jersey joe namath jersey pandora essence happiness charm nike free trainer 3.0 v3 nero fallen shoulder midi pencil dress with tie detail asos curve green dress
Reply zqvlk91xrzt
1:55 on 10 September, 2022 
ym9uapyzg2j liquid viagra best generic cialis buy brand cialis online canada cialis and pharmacy canadian pharmacy reviews
ed treatment medications order cialis ed medication celis generic viagra from canada
price of cialis canada buy drugs pharma from canada generic cialis