Shopping Basket
Your Basket is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Delivery
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should receive an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Basket

Always a Voice

Empowering Survivors of Abuse & Trauma

Thought Spot

Thought Spot

POISONOUS OPINIONS

Posted on 21 September, 2016 at 0:10

~By Danielle S. 

(Danielle is a 17 year old survivor of abuse. She recently came forward with the devastating truth of her situation. These past months have been difficult, but she is actively persuing healing and growth in her life--and writing about it! She is meeting hardship head-on. I am so blessed to have the privelege of sharing her writings with you all!  ~jill)


EVERYONE has their opinion of what I should've done. Some voice it louder than others. Some people ask me, "Why did you wait so long?" "Why didn't you just confront him about it?" One girl even told me, "Your story has holes in it".  "Well, if he was MY dad..." "Your situation wasn't half as bad as many others..." "You should be over this by now..." "You need to just forget the past." Agh!!!!!!


It frustrates me to think that after all I've already been through, people are critiquing the situation and trying to tell me what I should've done, should do, should think, and should feel! People's opinions are poisonous when expressed in a judgmental way. It's not wrong to have an opinion. But when you don't know all the details and try to come across like you know all the answers, it can have many affects, none of which are good. It can be crippling, hurting, depressing, self-esteem destroying, and crushing.


If an abuse victim opens up to you at all, in any way, respect that. A lot of times, all we want is just someone to listen, believe, and have compassion for us. Now, that makes it sound like we're feeling sorry for ourselves, doesn't it? Well guess what! That's probably what we're doing... and it's OK! After all we've been through we have the right to lean on others for strength and support while we can't strengthen and support ourselves. A lot of times when someone makes a judgmental remark, they just don't have a clue of what you're going through. That doesn't give them the liberty to blast away though.


I still don't know how to handle these opinions... sadly, I don't have a manual with all the answers. But if I talk it out with someone I know will listen, encourage, and support me no matter what, it helps me to realize that the judgmental opinionator doesn't have any ground for what they're saying. Even opinions from other survivors of something similar aren't necessarily the best for your case. You have to remember that every situation is different. There is no 'one size fits all.' And for all you getting judgment from anyone, just remember: they DON'T KNOW what they would do. Even if they think they know, how could they? They know the facts, but not the feels. They understand the logic, not the confusion. They assume the anger, they don't reason through the twisted emotions.


Moving on to another aspect of this: Even if they were right and even if they understood everything, what's done is done. You can't change the past. What good is it to bash someone for not doing it the "right way" if there's no chance to go back and redo it? Just support, sympathise, and encourage for the future. Sometimes I can remind myself that the person is just trying to help and they're lost in going about doing that. Other times I've had to say, "You know what? I don't need this." Yes, I've had to break off friendships with certain individuals because of their extremely vocal opinions. I just came to the conclusion that it was causing me more stress and heartache than support and help. You'll have to be the one to make that decision- who to put up with and who's just not worth it. They're just placing another smothering decision on you that wouldn't be there if people would just treat each other like they should.


And lastly, now that we see first-hand how hurtful being overbearing and opinionated can be, maybe we can learn to hold back our opinions for the proper time and place, and only speak encouraging words, as we truly understand the struggle of poisonous opinions.


Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

1921 Comments

Reply umseek
9:51 on 8 August, 2022 
trendy fashion outfits men nike st. louis rams 32 bradley fletcher limited navy blue team color nfl jersey sale mamma mia wedding dress
umseek http://www.umseek.com/
Reply JosephDed
5:02 on 8 August, 2022 
url=https://avodart.digital/ says...
avodart for sale online
url=https://buyadvair.digital/ says...
advair drug
url=https://atenolol.works/ says...
atenolol 100 mg tablet
url=https://robaxin.guru/ says...
can you buy robaxin over the counter uk
Reply Davisabota
11:51 on 7 August, 2022 
url=https://clonidine.email/ says...
clonidine 0.05 mg
Reply plaquenil 800mg
18:51 on 6 August, 2022 
doxycycline for gonorrhea doxycycline buy cost of doxycycline at walmart what is doxycycline hyclate used to treat?
Reply Teopak
4:27 on 6 August, 2022 
url=http://suhagra.digital/ says...
buy suhagra
Reply shounse
18:48 on 4 August, 2022 
Propecia Effects On Women Become Pregnant
url=https://buycialikonline.com says...
buy cialis generic online cheap
Reply amoxicillin 500
6:29 on 4 August, 2022 
valacyclovir yeast infection valtrex pills where to buy can you drink on valtrex valacyclovir hcl what is it used for
Reply tobiconnors
11:04 on 3 August, 2022 
coach refined pebble leather sacai white sail ladies t shirts mens summer dress hats
tobiconnors http://www.tobiconnors.com/
Reply Tommybeare
20:35 on 2 August, 2022 
url=https://avodart.digital/ says...
avodart capsule
Reply пÑ?огон Ñ?Ñ?аÑ?Ñ?овÑ?е Ñ?айÑ?Ñ?
20:41 on 1 August, 2022 
?????? ?????? ?? ????? ????????? ?????? ????????? ?????????????? ????? ?????? http://pravapatsientov.ru/user/alexeswift9608/ ??????????? ????? ???????? ????????? http://elka54.ru/forum/?PAGE_NAME=profile_view&UID=89124 ?????? ?? ?????? 2020

?????? ?? ????????? ????? http://www.dx-fu.com/space-uid-116515.html ??????? ????????? ?????? ?? ??????? ??? https://awabest.com/space-uid-156572.html ???????? ?????????? ????? http://learningrussian.com/forum/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&
u=286720 ??? ?????? ?????????? ????? http://eforms.zpmvcr.cz/jforum/user/profile/35443.page

????????? ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ???????? ?????????? ?????? ????? ?????????? ?????? ?? ????????? ?????? http://kohshi-net.com/clip/clip.cgi ?????? ?????? ?????

?????? ?????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?? ????????? ?????? ????? ???????? ????????? ?? ?????????? ????? ??? ???????

???????? ?????????? ????? google ?????????? ?????? ????? ?? ???? ????????? http://akppavto.ru/users/toothsomepowder ?????? ?? ????????? https://www.zamnoy.com/blogs/yzefuxoc/336980695/2020-11-28/gotovy
e_sajty_dlja_biznesa ??????????????? ?????? ????? ?? ?????????

?????????? ?????????? ??????? google https://bank-online.site/user/bpatrckmswifta1247/ ????????? ????? ?????? ???????? ??? ???????? ???? http://mariupol.quest.ua/Guestbook/Messages.aspx?fmode=gb&topic=3
19971&page=1&anchor#7817099 ?????? ?? ????????? ?????? ????????? https://www.neodelight.com/author/AkkordsEl

?????????? ????? ??????? http://forum.rapala.ru/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=779412 ???????? ??????? ?? ?????????? ?????????? ?????????????? ?????? ????? ?? ????????? ?????? http://tupalo.com/en/users/3453619 ????????? ?????? ????? ?? ????????? ?????? https://www.bluecoinsapp.com/forums/users/ralphcen/

?????????????? ?????? ????? ????????? ?????? ?? ???? ?? ?????????? ?????? ????? ?? ???????????? ????????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ????? ?? ????????? ?????????

?????? ?? ????????? ?????? https://maps.google.mw/url?q=http://rd2.minzdravrso.ru/about/foru
m/user/274638/ ?????????? ?????????? ????? ?????? http://pagecs.net/iotdb.dfki.de/doku.php?id=????????? ???????? ?? ?????????? ????????? ?????? ????? http://maps.google.ba/url?q=http://anchor.fm/Apostaesportiva2906 ?????? ????? ?? ????????? ?????? ????????? http://www.nokia-love.ru/go?http://wood.co.ua/wr_board/tools.php?
event=profile&pname=JeromeDip

http://0-signon.thomsonreuters.com.skyline.personalslotmachine.co
m/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=rabotaonlinefree.ru/3d-uveli
chitel-ekrana-dlya-smartfona/

http://test0108.ru

http://test0108.ru
Reply naltrexone delivery
18:46 on 31 July, 2022 
rui nolvadex reviews
url=http://nolvadexusa.com/# says...
nolvadex 10mg pill
where can i buy nolvadex pct how much nolvadex should i take for gyno
Reply does cialis work
16:10 on 29 July, 2022 
kamagra online australia viagra discount is cialis on the pbs what if woman takes viagra
Reply shounse
12:58 on 29 July, 2022 
Viagra Plus Cialis cialis generic
Reply Samueldus
13:29 on 28 July, 2022 
casino games online for real money no deposit
california online casino real money
do casino apps pay real money
url=https://bestcasinousa2022.com/ says...
make money online casino

top real money online casino
best online casino canada for real money
windcreek real money casino
url=https://topcasinos2022realmoney.com/ says...
play real money casino

online gambling casino win real money
Reply Denpak
10:38 on 28 July, 2022 
url=https://buysynthroid.works/ says...
synthroid prescription cost
Reply Wewezogue
5:00 on 28 July, 2022 
viagra sale viagra pharmacy australia https://vigrixvix.com/
Reply shounse
14:56 on 27 July, 2022 
Cialis cialis en 48h
Reply merck antiviral
5:40 on 27 July, 2022 
synthroid gluten free synthroid price in india long term use of levothyroxine icd 10 what does synthroid do to your body
Reply Wimpak
12:42 on 26 July, 2022 
url=http://clonidine.golf/ says...
clonidine 0.5
Reply boekstuk
16:40 on 25 July, 2022 
kamisa chino long sleeve jordan retro 13 youth size 7 noir f99710 how to knit a baby girl hat names mercurial vapor anti clog for cheap nike air huarache platinum white womens
boekstuk http://www.boekstuk.com/